Deep Thoughts and Important Decisions

When I look at my life and think deeply about what matters to me, it is my ability to make a difference in someone’s life. That is what I value above all things in life. My personal goal in life is to make a difference at least once a day in someone’s life, if only a smile. If I can’t do that, my life has no meaning.

So it is with this letter that I want to make my intentions and desires known. If there comes a time, that I cannot communicate my desires about my life and it’s continuation or termination please look back up on this letter to you, my friends and family. I am a firm believer in the cycle of life, nature, and the right to terminate your life at any time. I do not feel that one who commits suicide is going to hell nor do I believe that man could be blamed for chemical imbalances leading to the termination of their life by an omnipotent being.

This being said, I request that should the day come that I will not be able to communicate with those around me, be it by my own vocal power or by electronic means such as eye/iris registering communication devices, I do not want to continue to live. If there is a 75% chance that I will be able to regain this ability over a period of 2 years. I am willing to wait until 2 years are up to give myself time to recover. But if after 2 years I want to be terminated. If there is less of a chance than 75%, I want to be terminated immediately.

My reasons as as such: The cost of long term care is extensive. And being trapped in a body with no one to talk to, no way to talk with my friends and family, completely and utterly alone. THAT is MY HELL on earth.

After my car accident two years ago, which is still hard to believe it has only been that long, I had difficulties speaking. Being unable to communicate verbally I felt so frustrated and alone that I almost terminated my life. It hurt so much to not be able to say the words I wanted to. But when a friend, messaged me on the computer, and not only saved my life but helped me realize there are more ways to communicate and express how I feel can be done in other ways. And with that I found life again.

DO NOT GIVE UP WHEN THINGS ARE ROUGH BUT DO NOT THINK YOU WILL LIVE FOREVER. Twenty minutes from now you might be in a horrible accident and unable to speak what you want in life. Don’t take those 20 minutes for granted, think long, think hard. Share what you believe with those you love and care about. Because when you can’t speak, they are your voices. I’m writing mine out to help you find the courage to see where you are going and who you want to be.

You don’t have to write it because something might change tomorrow and change your mind, and if that happens. Make sure they know your new thoughts. But this has been in my mind since the thought first was posed to me by a professor I greatly admire. I’ve accepted my death since I was 15.

I am not afraid when it comes, but I also don’t want my friends and family to be burdened with guessing what I want in life either. Because the burden of terminating a life is not something anyone wants, but we have the possibility of facing. To terminate a life that might not believe in it… Or to trap someone in a body unable to talk to you, but they’re there and can’t even blink to tell you they love you, yes or no. Two polar opposite fates, but simultaneously both absolutely hell for someone else to be put in a situation to decide for someone else they love.

So here is my voice. Here is my say. Let me go if I will never be able to tell you I love you again. Let me go if I can’t give you my thoughts in some way.